you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
