Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
