i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
