in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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