It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
