Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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