C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
