Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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