I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
