I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you made out with another girl for some wings
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
