i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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