You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
