she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
