So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
