oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
