How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
