It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
