Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
