i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
