i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
