just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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