And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
