ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
