I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
