i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
