you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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