my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my being single is dangerous.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't just leave with hair like that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
