A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
