I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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