Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
