too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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