So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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