I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
