i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
