I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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