using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
