I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
