I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
