so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
