yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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