This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
