I am puke
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
