I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
