i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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