I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
