I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
