took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
