Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
