So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
