Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
