Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
