Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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